The Judge

I always thought that I'm too affected by what others tell me. That I'm scared of what others will think if I don't do something right. I always kept trying to do what I thought would please others. I kept looking for appreciation outside of me.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

I'm more and more realizing that the biggest critic of myself has been noone else but ME. And I've always been too harsh while evaluating myself. Nothing I did has satisfied me... I've always expected myself to do better and still better.

The reason why others' critiques affected me so much was because I had already convinced myself that I'm not good enough. And that is why a praise never touched me as deep as criticism... because I never believed a praise to be really true... I gave it to the credit of the giver of the compliment 'Oh how nice of him to say that!'... But never thought that I honestly deserved it.

I know that I'll be a better, happier, a more confident person if only I stopped judging myself all the time. But despite this realization... it's been a task unaccomplished!

- She